Lost in Transition
Starting a new company. Leading a non-profit. Directing a half marathon. Organizing clinics. Training athletes. Raising children. Being a wife.
I lost a little sanity, lost a little 'me' time, and lost a lot of training time.
I'm in a new chapter of life... it's exciting, it's creative, it's full of hope and potential. It's also demanding, scary, stressful and mentally taxing.
As with any new journey, there's always something to learn about yourself, a little tweak here and there that can be made to make you a better you. I usually find that nugget of wisdom after I mess up and make mistakes. As much as I hate to screw up, I've never done it without gaining an exponential amount of understanding and am left more equipped than before.
About 3 months ago I was agonizing over my purpose in life. Truly. I could see and feel the fulfillment in others who were doing what they loved. I felt like I had all this passion but it was sent into so many sporadic places, I just couldn't figure out where to land this energy and drive. For me, the unknown is more stressful than anything.
Ryan and I had come up with the dream of iTRI365 almost 3 years ago and the timing never panned out. Then 2 months ago, it was time. My team fell into place almost effortlessly. We haven't stopped moving forward since we came together with a unified vision: to train the whole athlete, not just the runner, the cyclist or the swimmer but the mom, the grandfather, the busy executive, the insecure and the complete beginner. We wanted to touch all facets of endurance training with the love and passion we had. If that meant holding an athlete's hand through emotional hurdles before they could execute a plan, then that was just part of the job.
That is what I love about what I'm doing. I no longer look longingly at that friend who is walking in their purpose. I've found mine. However, it has come with challenges.
I have noticed that in my pursuit of new goals, developing systems, brainstorming and getting excited, that I have gotten impatient with Ryan at times. My brain is going 100mph and his innocent conversations are like disruptions in my thought process, distractions keeping me from my goal; and I respond as though he is a nuisance. What good is it to accomplish the goals and dreams in this life if you neglect your relationships?
I have also become aware in the midst of my chaotic and busy day that the slightest tone of disapproval hits me like punch in the gut. I'm spending so much time pouring my heart and soul into each thing I'm doing that even if warranted, any disappointment feels as though I'm being viewed as inept and inadequate. My reaction to that is to take offense, get my feelings hurt and lash back. Who might be the recipient of such repurcussions? Ryan, of course.
Why it takes me so long to have these 'aha' moments, I do not know. But I'm grateful that when I make 'me' time and I do allow myself time to train, that my brain clears and these revelations come to me. As is usually the case, my negative reactions originate from my own insecurities. This is where I have to stop and begin some inner reflection.
So yes, I'm a little lost in this transition. I'm messing up left and right. But, I'm learning and I am doing a lot of really great things. I'm developing new relationships, I'm understanding the needs for boundaries in my mental and emotional attachment to my passion for iTRI365.
It's my desire to be the best coach I can be, the best wife and mom, friend and business professional. There's a ton of juggling involved and as with most things, time and experience will iron out the wrinkles. Until then, I'm grateful for forgiveness, grace and the freedom to pursue my dreams.
I'm married to a visionary. Thankfully he can also see the big picture of 'me' and he's here for the long haul.
Now I'm off to kiss my man and get some training plans written!
#itri365 #priorities #takesavillage #lifeisajourney